Cycling Underground (A guide to riding a bike in london)

There are three main levels of cycling in London, 1) Beginner (usually tourists but also new commuters) 2) Intermediate (usually commuters) and 3) Advanced (usually a middle aged man in lycra that thinks he is Chris Hoy, Bradley Wiggins, or if he prefers, Victoria Pendleton).

Bradley Wiggins

Chris Hoy

Victoria Pendleton

















All Athletes

All commuters (not cyclists)














It's not hard to be a cyclist in London, but it can be pricey. Lets look at what you need.

Start with balls of steel

(mild steel shouldn't make a difference)











Add some protection

That should work.

Now, what sort of bike do you want? Boris, folding, road, hybrid or mountain? Well, there are no mountains in London, hybrids are a jack of all trades but master of none, road bikes only generally work if you have somewhere safe to store them and you have the stamina to cycle everywhere, folding bikes can go on the tube, but can be pricey, and don't have enough gears. Boris bikes are grand until you realise your closest docking station is half a mile away, defeating the object of the exercise. So the choice is yours really.


You should consider making yourself as conspicuous as possible, flashing lights and hi-viz work well, as will wearing a suit of armour, I imagine.

So, you should now be sitting on your bike of choice, as obvious and as safely as possible, lets get onto the rules of riding a bike.

Red lights mean stop, so you use your brakes, almost everything else on London's roads is bigger than you, and no amount of lights, armour or several hundred pounds worth of bike will change that.

Sometimes it will feel like other drivers resent you, because they do, you weave in and out of traffic, beating the medieval layout of London, of course, due to air conditioning they will be about as smug as you feel beating all the traffic.

Earphones are a no-no, cars, lorries, buses and other bikes have noise making devices so you can hear them, earphones defeat that idea.

By all means fit a camera to your bike, you could solve a crime, capture vital evidence if a crime is commited against you, or just earn 250 quid from you've been framed.

Finally lock your bike to something sturdy, going through both wheels, and for the record, railings, buses, other bikes or cars are not sturdy. And if you have anything you can remove without tools on your bike, remove it, because if you don't need tools, neither do criminals.

Next time will be the story of a typical bike journey in London

(BMX bikes were excluded from the list due to the fact no adult should be seen on one because they look stupid, except for actual sporting events. Penny farthings were excluded for being far too silly and tandem bikes because unless you are asking a woman called Daisy to marry you on the cheap whats the point?)